words i couldn't say // memoirs

[Lucy Weasley]

There's a rain that will never stop fallin'
There a wall that I tried to take d o w n
What I should have said just wouldn't pass my l i p s
So I // held back // and now we've come to THIS
And it's { too late } now

I'll tell you a secret.

Sometimes...

When I say "I'm Fine."

I want someone to look me in the eye and say..

"Tell the truth."

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

What do I do now that you're g o n e
No " back up " plan no [ second chance ]
And no one else to b.l.a.m.e
All I can hear in the SILENCE that remains
Are the { [ words I couldn't say ] }

[Lucy Weasley]

Entry after - Anywhere But Here [Charlie]

---------------------

Ha. Success. I found a tutor. In the form of nervous neurotic Charlie Jones.

He's straitlaced and gullible, so I tricked him into taking a restricted Dark Arts book from the library. His reaction was even better than the mischief itself. I can get used to tricking others into a life of crime if it's that amusing. Besides, it never hurt anyone. It's not like we were caught. He needs to loosen up anyway, and gain some courage.

Who better to help that along than, well, me?

He'll forgive me. He's not the type to hold a grudge. Besides, I need to tutor him in Charms, and I need him to tutor me in HoM. He actually makes me understand some of it. A miracle in itself.

[Lucy Weasley]

Entry after - We Are Compelled To Do [Jon&Sadie]]

---------------------

Oh crap.

What am I going to do?

You see, Diary. You know how I hid the book Charlie stole in the Armor Gallery? Wellllllllll. It probably comes of no shock to you that I snuck out past curfew, as soon as I could to read it. And your expecting me to just say I got caught, and now have detention? No. Far more interesting.

I met Jonathan Macnair. He's... quite interesting. I'd heard of him before, seen him. I didn't find him at all intimidating. But he's the reason I'm going crazy. He caught me reading the forbidden book. He said he wouldn't turn me in. And we chatted.

I don't understand anything at all. I don't understand why he talked to me, I'm well only seen amongst his kind as a Gryffindor Weasley blood traitor. This would of been enough to keep my curious nature tortured for a few days, but no fate is not so kind.

Enter Sadie Sinclair. Yes. Her. The Ravenclaw Head Girl on a power trip.

There I stood with the restricted book in my arms mind you, no denying it. I thought I was screwed. But Jon helped me. Yes, I wrote correctly. He helped me. He took my book, and dropped one of his own. He declared we'd switched book in the library. So I played along.

But then I realized that book, I held wasn't a book. No, diary, it was a journal. His journal. Sadie gave us the options, and well I chose the one that wouldn't have his journal on a shelf in the school library or in the hands of Miss Powertrip.

I was sent to the HoH, and now I have another week of detention added to my many others. Not that I regret it. But... I still have it. The journal of Jonathan Macnair. It's here next to me.

And I am currently killing myself, not to read it.

I figured if I write in my own I won't be so tempted. Remind myself it's a personal thing... full of... thoughts... secrets....

Oh screw this. I'm reading it. Sorry, Jon. I'm not a good person.

[Lucy Weasley]

random codings

Entry After -
Feeling -
Soundtrack -

✖✖✖✖

мαувє уσυ ∂ση'т
нανє тσ ρℓαу
тнє ¢αя∂ѕ уσυ'яє ∂єαℓт

Help me out said the eagle to the dove
I've f.a.l.l.e.n from my nest so high above
Help me | F| L | Y |
I am too afraid try
Now saddled with a fear of heights
I'm praying you can set me right

I think I'm d r o w n i n g
As • phyx • i • at • ed
I wanna break this " spell " you've created

[/left]

You're something { [ beau • ti • ful ] }
A contradiction
I wanna p.l.a.y the GAME

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me

[Lucy Weasley]

I... read it. The journal of Jonathan Macnair. A part of me wishes I hadn't.

The things it contains, diary, are not to be mentioned in passing conversation.
He wishes to be the next Lord Voldemort. He thinks they are alike. In this journal it mentions a group of Rowan's, which I assume could only be Rowan Dalton the Slytherin, who... I highly believe is the group of students who are supporters of Voldemort. Part of the Death Eaters return. Keeping with the ideology of Voldemort.

A part of me is screaming.

Lucy. Go tell James. It's all right here. Right here.
Then.... something else is telling me...

Lucy, don't.

Because he's human. So very human. These are his secrets.
That part of me tells me I have no right.
That what seems right is wrong.

There is so much I should do. What I've been raised to do. What is expected of me. But something in me fights against these very things, I'd thought made me who I was.

And it won. Whatever it was, had won.

I'm sure of my decision. I'll keep Jonathan's secrets.

God, how I wish the world was black and white. But right now it's so full of gray.

[Lucy Weasley]

Entry after - I'm Estatic [Lucy!]

---------------------

Sometimes I think fate is against me. I mean... Drew has a ball date. He drove me madde trying to get that story out of him. And he says I should listen more? Sure, he asked me to the ball, but I want to go with someone who is not asking me because I'm thier best friend. Someone we all know would never consider asking me.

Everyone seems to have this ease with getting dates. Molly's been asked at least three times because ... well Molly is Molly. I know I'm not pretty like Molly, Hayden, Sofia, Kamilla, god a list...
I'm not perfect like Molly.

I don't think before I act.

I'm reckless.
I like trouble, chaos.
I don't give a damn about rules or plans.
I'm clever, but I'm not a genius.
I'm flighty and can't seem to stick to one subject.
I get excited over the stupidest of things.
Need I mention the horrible bright red hair and matching mass of freckles? God knows those are not attractive as so many have pointed out.

And why would anyone fall in love with me?

[/blockquote]

[Lucy Weasley]

Entry Before - Halloween Ball

---------------------

Oh. My. God.

I, Lucy Weasley, have a date to the ball. Why am I so... excited? Surpriesd? Stunned? Shocked? Amazed? You only have to think of who asked me.

Jonathan Macnair.

It's improbable, impossible, and yet true. Why did he ask me? I have no clue and really don't care. He did.

He wasn't going to go in the first place. He didn't even have a costume. I told him to go as a Victorian Muggle, and well, he agreed. It will be interesting to see him as such.

He did seem put out by the idea of the ball. I wonder why he's so set against them...

I'll show him they are things that can b fun. If he'll only let himself and stop being so stoic. God, Slytherins, can you have fun without cruelty or sex?

Speaking of Slytherins, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be eaten. But I rather don't care. James is going to murder me. And all my other cousins. At least I died doing what I wanted right?

Well, I'm writing this quick and fast. Short and sweet. Whatever. I have to go get into my costume. I don't want to be late. I can't wait.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Lucy Weasley]

Entry After - Halloween Ball

---------------------

Two entries in one night, I know. But it seems to tell you of this evening... I can't wait.

Jon's costume made me smile. He did look rather handsome in it. But when does the boy not? No, I'm not going to become one of those girls who writes pages in her diary on his eyes, for Merlin's sake. It is a merely fact that Jonathan is a handsome devil.

So in true Lucy fashion, I got over excited about the stupidest of details, but I can't seem to help myself. Ever. The decorations, the costumes were all brilliant.
I didn't have much time to take it all in, before Jon and I were corner by Kamilla and sofia. That wasn't pleasant, but it was expected. I managed to hold my tongue, for once. Surprising I know. I figured Jon wouldn't appreciate it if I made things ... worse. He does love Kamilla after all.

Thank Merlin, Luca came and distracted Kamilla... Though he could so much better. But to each his own I guess. Well other's joined, my friends, their friends. Denny wasn't exactly happy about seeing me with Jon. I know the rumors, but I wouldn't have believed them even if I hadn't read Jon's journal. Well with so many people around, we managed to escape. After that I can tell you there wasn't a tense, nor dull moment.

I like Jon best when he smiles No, not a smirk, or that polite 'Humor me' smile of his. The one when he's amused, or actually enjoying himself. He doesn't produce those often. I guess that's why I feel such pleasure and satisfaction when I manage to get one from him. I've always liked a challenge.

I had such fun. Dancing. Laughing. Teasing. He is such an honest to Merlin rogue. I hope Jon had just as much fun. I wanted to show him that these things can be enjoyable. And there was no cruelty or sex involved.

He even walked me to the Gryffindor Tower...

And then he kissed me.

I wasn't expecting that at all! Dear Merlin, I'm so embarassed. I just blushed like a mad woman, sputter a goodbye and practically ran! He must think that rather... Well, I'm not sure what he thinks. That's the point. I've read his journal. He loves Kamilla, and well then there's Sadie and Sofia.
I am absolutely positive he doesn't like me like that.
Then why did he kiss me?
Maybe... He felt like it was part of the date "package".
Take a girl, walk her to her door, kiss her goodnight.
I'll admit... I don't want that to be the reason.
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.
I didn't want to let myself want such things from him.
Nothing good can come of it.
We're friends. Nothing more.
I'm good at that.

But I want to kiss him again.