In Memorium In Advance [Journal]

[Darian Good]

D A R A I N«

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Clarity,
Please speak to me.[/font][/color]

I'm never quite sure if I should address my journal before I start writing, or to let it flow out. Some people like to address their journals. And some people just... go. I'm not quite sure what kind of person I am when it comes to that, though. So I always feel a little bit awkward when I first start this all out. ...I over analyze things a lot, don't you think?

Anyways, I guess the real reason for this entry is that I got a letter from home today.

Dear Darian,
How's school going? We hope it's going well for you. We miss you terribly, and little Rachel won't stop whining about it. She's taken to sleeping in your room, you know. She says it smells so much like you, and it comforts her. Especially with all that's been going on lately.

Your other sister Sarah has decided to run away. I know that wasn't such a great transition, but I had to tell you, sweetie. I know how much you worry about everyone at home, especially Sarah and Marcus with the way they react to you being special. I probably shouldn't have said anything at all. I fear that you'll get too caught up in worries to do your school work, and then you'll start worrying about dropping grades, and then you'll be in a sea of worry. And I don't want my eldest son drowning in a sea of worry, love. I think our family would be nothing without you.
Anyways, dear, I just wanted to inform you on that bit and check in with you on how school was going.

Everything after that is slightly irrelevant. All she was doing was asking about school and magic and stuff, and of course I'll tell her everything she needs to know.However, I am worried, despite what she tells me not to be. Though I can focus on school and worry at the same time, but that's another irrelevant point. As much as I worry about Sarah and Marcus, I also worry about what my mother said.

"I think our family would be nothing without you."
What does she mean by that? Our family could get along perfectly fine without me. If they didn't have me, Sarah and Marcus wouldn't... They wouldn't be so upset over my differences from them. If I hadn't been born, they wouldn't be going off doing god knows what reckless things they do. Mom and dad wouldn't have to worry about whether or not they'd stay in their beds at night, or end up sneaking off to places unknown to them. Everything would be fine, and my family would be better off.

Or, per say, if I wasn't gifted with magic. I could be at home right now, with a job, helping my family get by everyday. Mom and dad work themselves to the bone as it is. They could use an extra source of money, and I can't do much about it at school. We use different money here, so I can't provide them as easily as I could if I were back home with a job. Of course I'll get one in the summer and such... Oh, well. I can't do much at the moment.

On a much, much, much lighter note, I met someone today. Her name's Hadyn Bryant and I find her absolutely amazing. She's a sweet heart, and I find that I get along very well with her. I think I'd like to ask her to the Halloween ball... Maybe I will.

However, this is where the journal entry must end. I find it that I do enjoy rambling... if only because I think way too often, but that's what a journal's for, right? Recording one's thoughts, worries, hardships, and so on and so forth. Until later.

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[Darian Good]

D A R A I N«

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Can you feel all the weight of two decades to date
All crashing down on you now?[/font][/color]

I had received a letter from mom today... I figured it'd be all the same stuff. "We miss you... Rachel's still in your room... Sarah's run off again, this time with some other boy..." But what I got surprised me quite a bit.

Dear Darian,

How are you, love? Are you eating well? I hope you're not worrying too much. Sarah's back at home, and Marcus has been staying out of trouble. It looks as if they might be settling down, but you can never be too sure with those two. It wouldn't be the first time that their actions have deceived us, now have they?

That's only the beginning, but I guess this entry is best written in bits and pieces.

It is true. Sarah and Marcus have had many ups and downs. There have been countless times where they seem to be taking a turn for the better, but it always ends badly. There was a time that Sarah had been sneaking off with some boy my parents didn't agree with. I was worried about her, yes, but I hate to point out the bad in others. I couldn't sit there and tell her that she was forbidden to see him, like mum and dad... but I did tell her I wish she'd stay away from him.

Anyway, she'd sneak off and then come home late at night. I'd always be awake, too worried to sleep. It was like that for my parents, too. Sometimes we'd all sit together and wait for her... But after a while they just... gave up, I guess. Anyway, I'd stay up and wait for her. And then one day, she didn't go out. It went on like this for quite a few days, and my parents were pleased as they'd ever be.

And then she ran off with the boy and was gone for weeks. When she came home, my dad was threatening to kick her out. But even he's soft-hearted, and Sarah was allowed back into the house. Yeah, she was 'grounded', but that never stopped her. Or Marcus for that matter. He's had his incidents, too. Anyways, I can't sit and be convinced that they've taken a turn. I have to wait a while before I'll be content... and that might take years.

It's not that I don't trust them... it's just that... they've been this way for quite some time. Habits are hard to break.

Back to the letter... There's a few more paragraphs of my mum fussing about me and my habits at school. And then... then it surprises me.

I'm sorry, love... I guess I can't put off the real reason for this letter. I didn't start it just to fuss over you (though I do miss you at home, where it makes fussing a hell of a lot easier), but... There's something I must own up to, dear. It's rather hard for me to tell you, and, mind you, none of your siblings know. Your father... He does. It's something I couldn't hide from him, and it's something we've fought over once or twice.

But Darian, I haven't been truthful. I know I'm going to have to tell Sarah, Marcus, and Rachel about it eventually, but you're so much more mature. You're ready for the world. You cope with everything in a way that I am both proud and envious of. I don't know where on earth you got such a beautiful mind. It sure as hell didn't come from your father, and even more so from me. Regardless, I need to confess.

Two years before you were born, I met a man named Gary O'Neil. I had no idea he was a wizard when I met him, but that's beside the point. This was a week before your father and I were to be married, and, well... I kind of saw it as my last thing to do before I was a married woman. Gary was a nice man, very sweet, and very charming. And I was young and foolish... I shouldn't have married your dad at such a young age, but... well, it happened.

I found out I was pregnant on our honeymoon. I woke up one morning with terrible sickness, and, with dread, I knew that I had done wrong to your father. No, I didn't hate the baby inside of me, or the man I had been with when I shouldn't have been... but I was mad at myself. Love, that's beside the point. Anyway, I told your father about it, and being the forgiving man he is, he let me off the hook when he shouldn't have. I gave birth to Cody nine months later.

I felt bad for your father. He loved Cody like a son of his own, but there was always a pain in his eyes. We had Cody for a few months, but I wasn't ready to be mom... and your dad... I couldn't put that pain on your dad. So I sent him off to one of my good friends, Jenny Schmidt. She was thrilled... and she took good care of him...

I couldn't really finish much after that.

It gave me a lot to chew over. Like the fact that I have another sibling... one that I never knew about. His name is Cody Aarons, and, by some odd way my mother found out, he works in one of the pubs in Hogsmeade. I'm probably going to go down and try to find the guy. It's one of those things that I can't ignore, you know?

I think a lot... and it gets me wondering how much he and I are alike, or not alike. I know we share the wizard thing, or else he wouldn't be working in the wizarding world. But does he look like my mum at all? Or slightly like me? It could be possible. And does he share any of the same interests as I do?

I don't know, but I'm going to find out.