What's the use of going outside?

[Valencia Scamander]

So.

This is not an absence so much as a severe time cut.

SO. What is going on? I have made the personal decision to cut back my free time spent on the computer for the next month, starting Monday January 12th. I'll be limiting my time to two hours on weekdays and four hours on weekends. This may seem like not much, but when you consider just how much time I've spent on the computer these past few months, that seems like small potatoes.

I actually think it'll help me be more active. Because I'll have time constraints, I'll have to do the things I need to do, and manage my time, instead just telling myself I'll do it later.

There are a ton of reasons. The main ones are:

• I am not getting enough sleep. At all. And a lot of it has to do with spending all my time in front of a big, bright screen. It's actually a proven fact that spending too much time in front of computer has bed effects on your ability to sleep. Lack of sleep has a big effect on my mood, and my health. I'm getting sick more often and I feel weak and tired most of the time.
  
  
• I am not physically active enough. I need to be moving around more in a literal sense. Not just working out, but moving. I literally am turning my body into mush by spending so much time sitting. My knees are hurting more because I spend so much time in the same position. I'm stiff a lot of the time, and I'm having posture problems.
  
  
• I also need to be more active in my real life. I've been isolating to an extreme. The computer is not a cause of this, my depression is, but it makes a damn good excuse and way to avoid going anywhere but my room, the kitchen, and the bathroom. Why go out and take risks and hang out with people and feel emotions, good or bad, when I can numb my brain by searching for the perfect photo of the perfect playby for a friend's new character? I have been paying no attention to my friends in real life. I've been out right neglecting them, and it's killed or severely altered a lot of my friendships already.
  
  
• Further more, the friends I am not practically ignoring both online and off are seeing the worst of me. I'm getting angry at the drop of a hat, I'm constantly irritable, and being frustrated way to easily. When I'm not angry, I complain constantly. I'm brushing off my general pent up negative emotions and energy on those I know and care for, because I refuse to do anything else to release them.
  
  
• I've become extraordinarily self-involved. Because I spend most of my time with myself now, I no longer have to think about others. I'm not acting selfish so much as I have begin to think of everything in relation to myself. I've largely forgotten how to deal with people who aren't me.
  
  
• I'm avoiding any responsibility, even with things I usually enjoy, or involving the computer. Like things for Morsmordre or any of the roleplays I've attempted to join. A good example is I'll work on a character for about a day, and then it becomes a responsibility to finish them, so I avoid. Thus, I have a million half-completed characters. I spend a lot of time on sites but no time actually doing anything productive for them. I have so many things I can distract myself with.
  
  
• And finally, I have issues in my real life that I need to focus on. I need to get in shape, work on my health problems, work on my emotional issues, get on a better diet, my social life, and my schoolwork. And those just things I need to do. There are plenty of things I want to do, such as my writing projects, art, and music that I've neglected or abandoned.
  

Now, for contact info! If I don't know you all that well, just PM for my email. If I've known you a fairly good amount of time and we're close, PM to request my myspace, or if we're a little closer, my facebook.

AND.

If we've known each other for a long ass time, are close, both feel comfy with it, AND you can prove or at least assure your existence, then you may ASK for my mobile phone number. I have every right to say no, but I'm guessing I won't feel the need and/or have too.

I'll miss you all tons. <3333333 into a billion,

Zee.